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try the priest [4.7.08 - 9.21pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i hate being sick, but it gives me a chance to think. cause well... i'm usually awake at like 4 in the morning when i'm sick. and theres usually nothing on tv at that hour. anyway. i think i'm finally becoming comfortable with myself. yeah i'm not prefect but i like myself. i'm gonna start going to the gym with jay and going on a healthy diet. so yeah losing weight is wicked important to me but mostly for health reasons. i wanna look perfect on my wedding night (oh no doubt did she just drop a hint haha)
i downloaded sweeny todd soundtrack on my ipod YAY!
sorry random.
anyway, i'm happy. jay and i are moving along nicely. gonna go to college. gonna work harder at being well a better me, making my own choices. i generally go along with whatever someone elses says. but fuck it, i want control. sorry to those who arent pleased. but i like how things are going at the moment. :)
i do still hate being sick
have a lil priest its pretty fresh

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an entry [3.25.08 - 8.17pm]
[ mood | blah ]

contruction at work has given me a rash on both of my legs. it sucks. i hate going to work and having every single fucking customer come in and say "whats going on here?!" a fucking puppet show!!! SERIOUSLY!? being open while people knock down walls was the dumbest idea i've ever heard and saw happen. but that part is down, now building will begin. should be interesting. but i have tomorrow off so i don't care. going to get my tattoo fixed up and drink with sara and play pool badly. yay!

i'm broke though, so suck.

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[3.13.08 - 7.53pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so everyone says new york is sooooooo great. well i disagree. new york is great to visit but is no boston. In Boston people don't honk when its a red light, there are lows and the subway system makes sense. thats just me, there may be lots of things to see in new york, but its not worth the fight to get to those places.

Off to drink...cause I CAN HAHAHAHAHA

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[3.9.08 - 11.58am]
[ mood | chipper ]

yay i'm on vacation!!!! yesterday took like forever to go by, but i made it. AND i cleaned out my car. which is a HUGE deal, cause the stuff that was in there has been there since i moved out of dave's apartment haha i'm so fucking lazy and i had nowhere to really put all the stuff but whatever. So i'm off like a gym sock....hahaha that was fucking lame. sorry

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i've found it [3.6.08 - 7.29pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

i've found the apartment of my dreams...ok maybe not dreams. but i love it at the moment. its close to work and close to david. and i can afford it. and .... and...YAY! i hope i can get it. cross your fingers

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constants [3.5.08 - 3.32pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

i have very few constants in my life, i never really think about this and give them the credit they deserve. But today while i was driving i thought them out. and wanted to type them out.

My Family: At the moment we're nowhere near as close as i wish. But no matter what i do, fail and win they will be by my side 100%. i know this, and i will do the same for them. i wouldn't be who i am without there love and support. I don't only get my looks from my parents but i get there humor and morals. i respect them and i know its all vice versa.
My Job: I may hate it at times, but i wake up 5 days a week and go there and do my job to the best of my ability. I will always have a job, i know this because i wont allow myself to be without one.
David: Yes, David. we may have broken up but no matter what i know he'll be there for me. I'm so happy that 8 or so years ago on wim i waved at him and john boss and it started hopefully a life long friendship or more. I've heard there is talk that david is insensitive and mean. Which he is not! He is honest, and yes honesty will hurt. But i'd rather a friend be honest to me then be lied to, to make me feel better. It makes believing them when a compliment comes by really mean something. If you can't handle his honesty you deserve to be lied to and live a life of paranoid jealously and questioning. I respect his opinion, i may not go with what he says, but i respect what he does say. i will always love him, and i'd hate to see who i would be without him in my life.

Friends seem to fade away but those three things will always be there. and they deserve the praise.

thank you for being there for me in the rough times and the good.

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looking [3.4.08 - 8.15pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i'm looking for an apartment, just for me. no roommates, no boyfriend. am i crazy? can i really be independent...and will this need to independence ruin my relationship with jay? i can afford most of the places i've seen on craig's list. i'm looking for a location near or around my work in saugus, but i may seek a new location all together.... like near attleboro and my family so maybe it'll be easier to keep in touch with them. But i know by moving far that would/will ruin my relationship. sigh, thoughts are raising. maybe i need to actually talk to my boyfriend about this. i'm so bad with conflict. but lately i've been just so grumpy and taking it out on him for no reason (well no reason to his knowledge) I'm turning 21 years old next week and i haven't been officially single since i was 17 years old. and i'll stay in a relationship even if its gone to shit with no revival because i fear change. but i'm getting older and need to do something for me, and only me. cause in the end i need to be happy. but by being happy is it ok to make someone else sad? i hate my living situation and i feel trapped. i need to stop complaining and just go for it. right? fuck change is scary. but its time to be an adult. yes. i can do this. 21 and totally able to make my own choices in life...

it sounds easy... but its really really hard. i just hope i don't make this a goal i merely talk about but an action i actually go with.

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venting [3.1.08 - 9.15pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

i fucking hate jay and i's roommate brad. he's a retarded druggie who needs to gain a brain and get the fuck out of my house!!! i fake fucking nice all day at work i don't want to have to come home and do the same. He's a stupid fucking person. and doesn't understand simple concepts. like hey jay and i are going to have a romantic evening, like a candlelight dinner (the kitchen has a table to eat at) so can you like not be in the kitchen at this time. yes advanced noticed. at exactly the time we're eatting "oh sorry guys i'm really hungry...*starts cooking* so jay can you believe that game, i mean blah blah blah" ok how about try to be more rude! fucking junkie fuck.
i just want to move out. i love jay, but fuck, i need space and to be away from the mentally retarded. i don't want to have to be fake. i don't want to be here anymore. i want to be with jay don't get me wrong, but 24/7 being cuddily and cutesy is just not in the cards. i'm feeling more and more like the guy in this relationship. i just want to just watch tv and like not talk...or touch at all. is that bad?
but tonight is ok between jay and i cause he finally went out with his friends, only problem brad is home making a whole hell of a lot of noise in the kitchen that makes me want to go and strangle him. if i knew i wouldn't get caught i would probably. but he's not worth ruining my life over. he'll eventually od on herion.
one of the reasons why i'm going to hell...oopps
ok i'm done

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holy shit [2.25.08 - 8.12pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

an entry! omg so weird. anyway i'm just posting my big birthday plans, i'm turning the big 21!!! yay! its all down hill from here!!! YAY!!!!! *crowd cheers*

I took the week off from work to celebrate and to just have some time away from the office...yeah i'm calling it an office, want to fight about it?!!?

March 9th (sunday)
is the start of my vacation, which means sleeping in and being lazy, maybe go see a movie
March 10th (monday)
I'm going to Attleboro to spend the day with my mother doing girlie things, like getting our nails done and going shopping at providence place mall, cause well its fancy
March 11th (tuesday)
The actual big day, my birthday. Having a party with my family and some of my brother and i's mutual friends. I told my mother i'm not to be without a drink in my hand that entire night lol
March 12th (wednesday)
Going to New York with Jay to see Wicked, also going to stay the night at a hotel.
March 13th (thursday)
Site seeing in new york, also is jay and i's 6 month anniversary. holy shit its been awhile who knew
March 14th (friday)
Going into boston to party with my coworkers and some friends. should be a good time, not too sure where we're gonna go
March 15th (saturday)
Going to see Dropkick Murphys with jay yay

all things i'm really looking forward to, will be the best birthday EVER!
This wednesday i'm getting my hair all sorts of done did. Doing strawberry blonde on the top then black underneith, should be interesting. Sunday i'm dropping my car off with david to get my sirius installed, i've paid for it fuckin need that shit to work. i hate listening to commercials. lol
ok i'm done
Bye for 4 more months

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stolen from david [2.9.08 - 9.37am]
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written
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my once in a blue moon entry [12.20.07 - 10.21am]
[ mood | cold ]

ello, its the holiday season which means lots of snow, my car getting stuck in places, and spending money on things others wont really need.
i've been promoted at work, so starting in january i make more money to deal with less people. yay!
things with jay are going great, we've finally found a good way of communication thats not just texting lol. x-mas should be fun with the family, then my dad's birthday. which is always amusing. new years jay and i are going to a hotel party in mansfield. shocking made the time off work. yay!
Things are looking up, which is a nice change of pace. i'm going to go now and have breakfast then free my car from its ice-y tum

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moving is painful [10.1.07 - 9.57am]
[ mood | stressed ]

moving is such a stressful act. being poor is annoying. people oweing me lots of money and never returning my calls is painful and hurts. i thought she was my best friend but she's not. so the thought of her and i moving in together is gone, so now i have to find a place i can afford alone. my boyfriend is being great and letting me stay with him. but everyone see's me as a burden. i feel like crap all the time now. my stomach aches, my head hurts and my back feels like its in knots.

it's bad when you're thoughts revolve around jumping in front of a train.

i lack control and i'm so tired all the time. the break up wasn't hard, its the moving on that's difficult. nothing gets handed to you and well that's life.

i should go back to school, i just can't get myself to do it. i suck at life. hell i even lose at the game of life.


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one [8.16.07 - 10.25am]
just have to get through one day of work then a weekend with david!!! yay new york trip
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...yeah [7.28.07 - 8.43pm]

How Old is Your Inner Child?

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole big world out there to do it in. Just so long as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my three best friends with me, of course.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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lil bit [7.17.07 - 3.30pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

just a tiny update cause well i hate this thing honestly. i hate typing about my days. if you know me you generally know the happenings. work sucks. my relationships are extremly good. in more love then ever with the fine mister gardner, and have a simply sweet thing going on with a gentlemen by the name of Jay. i see him like 3-4 times a week, we watch tv and other things *wink wink nudge nudge* he's 27 which works out well. older guys rock my world. my best friend eric is not having a kid YAY and my female best friend amanda and i are going to the family values tour, which kicks major ass.
i love sophia, my car to be. check out david's journal for pictures. but she's my baby even if she's almost 45.
i'm always busy lately, this is my first down moment in months. i'm either at work or at a party of some sort, or movie. seen a lot of movies so far this year and i'm loving it. TRANSFORMERS KICKS ASS! i want a soundwave tattoo wicked bad cause well i'm a dork.
wow this is getting too long and i'm not bored.

i'll update again in like a month or two....whenever

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i quit [6.25.07 - 8.03pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

i quit smoking, so now every little thing ever gets to me. like omg gets to me. if you have an annoying voice, i fucking want you dead, if you hum, i will chop off your lips and feed them to chickens, if you eat chips in mr presence while i'm trying to watch a program, skinned alive, and lastly looking over my shoulder as i type is an automatic decaptation by me shutting a window on your neck.

got it?!

thank you
<3 Colleen

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u make me sneeze [5.30.07 - 7.40am]
[ mood | sick ]

i'm coming down with a cold, it sucks. i get sick when the seasons change. i hate the feeling of getting sick. knowing its coming. its like get ready for a whole lot of suck. lame.
work is going good though. i work a lot and get paid ok. they messed up my paycheck this week but hopefully joe fixed it
i have a new beau in my life, his name is jay and we're extremly casual. david and i are in the best relationship ever right now. emotionally monogamous. which is fabulous. i love him omg lots.
getting a car this week should have it on the road next week. which is exciting. hopefully i didnt forget how to drive. that would suck.
i wish i could afford vanity plates, that would be nifty.
but yeah, thats my update

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i love my boyfriend [5.7.07 - 3.25pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

So David Surprised me with a dinner/movie date to celebrate one year living together. it was fabulous! it was at this place called chunkies. they served us beer and we saw spider man 3. so im very very happy.

still looking for a car. test drove a couple. i think i'm getting this one, forgot what kind. its a piece of crap. but whatever i just need a car.

i'm at the moment dying my hair because my roots were showing. and i hate my natural hair color with a passion.

so yeah happy day off im having, back to work again tomorrow.


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cars [5.4.07 - 9.09am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

the prospect of getting a car is actually looking up<333

i love david, he's just fabulous

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my week as of now [5.1.07 - 12.55am]
[ mood | geeky ]

tuesday:: sleep LATE! shower, lots of girlie picking out of outfits. taking the t for my first date with mark. yay mark
Wednesday:: work then hanging out with robbie
Thursday:: more work, then nap?
Friday:: omg more work then um nothing hanging out at the house
Saturday:: no idea david has something planned. i've gotten no details no hints no nothing. its to celebrate one year living together...

thats all


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